when you have a coughing fit in class and you are trying to hold it in
i cant believe how true this is
If you put a bee in the freezer, it will get cold and fall asleep. After it’s asleep, put it in your mouth, but don’t eat it. Just let it sit there. It will get warm and wake up. Now you have a bee in your mouth.
Why the fuck would I do that
- me: i don't even care. i'm not going to talk about this anymore.
- me: and you know what else? [2000 word rant]
i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked
If someone cheats on you they do not love you, remember that. If someone cheats on you they do not care about you as much as they say they do. If someone cheats on you it means that for a split second you were off their mind long enough for them to put another person in arms that should only be for you. If someone cheats on you, dear god, I hope you don’t go back to them because you are worth so much more than that.
- my bf: *doesnt reply*
- me: [fuck this, I can do so much better than this ashy ass bitch. what am I supposed to do with some lil dick for the rest of my life anyways??? let me call his best friend MATTER OF FACT LET ME CALL HIS BROTHER. he’s not even that cute for me to be stressing over him. only reason I dated him is cause my girl told me to give his lil ugly ass a chance I'm over it tho, next! ha ha!]
- my bf: my bad I had to pee.
- me: I thought you did! wassup babe 😍😛
*passionately sings the wrong line to a song*